Sunday, December 18, 2016

Finding Out I Was {Maybe} Pregnant

For the most part, I've always known that I wanted children. I mean, I did go through a period where I thought "meh, maybe kids aren't for me..", but once my husband started getting a slight case of baby fever (a few years into our marriage) the idea of having kids started growing on me again.

When I was younger, I was told it would be very difficult (if not "impossible") for me to get pregnant due to some health issues. I was sad for a couple of days. I remember coming home to my college dorm and crying to some of my best friends about it, but then I dusted off my knickers and decided that I'd one day have children through adoption. 

Sam and I weren't ready for kids until a few years into our marriage. One day we both (almost literally) just woke up and decided we were ready to jump into the parenting adventure thing. We had already discussed the whole 'difficult for me to have kids (if not "impossible")' thing years earlier, so we didn't have high hopes of having a biological baby. 

{WARNING: A little T.M.I., but I'm putting it out there so you can understand a little of why our hopes weren't very high. I've never been on birth control. We have never used any contraceptive and have never done anything to prevent getting pregnant. All the years of our marriage pre-baby, I never even had a pregnancy scare. Hence the reason I went through my "meh, maybe kids aren't for me.." phase.}

We still wanted to at least try and kept our expectations of getting pregnant low. I visited my NEW doctor in Texas, told her that Sam and I were ready for kids, told her about what my previous doctor in GA had said, and asked her about next steps. 

She looked at me and apologized for what my previous doctor in GA had told me. She said that she never tells her patients that it's impossible to have children unless they just don't have reproductive organs. She told me about all of the times she's had patients who thought they couldn't get pregnant...get pregnant. She gave me hope. She told me that she wanted Sam and I 'to have fun' and that if we weren't pregnant a year from that date that we'd meet with her and talk about next steps. 

I left my doctors appointment feeling...hopeful. (This was in September of 2014.)

*Flash forward 3 months later....(December of 2014)*

I had been obsessively stocking up on pregnancy tests. There was a small basket in our bathroom closet that was constantly filled to the brim with every kind of pregnancy test you could find at the store. Any time I felt like...maybe...just maybe...I was possibly pregnant, the pregnancy test would shatter my excitement. This went on for months. 

*Flash forward 3 months later...(March of 2015)*

By this point, Sam and I had been looking at houses. We found the one, made an offer, and signed all of the paper work. We were set to move in around May. 

The basket of pregnancy tests still remained in our bathroom. I wasn't as obsessive about it at this point. The first excitement of getting pregnant had worn off a bit and I was beginning to 'think more logical'. 

"If I can't get pregnant, maybe it's time to start looking at other options", I had told Sam one night cuddled on the couch futon in our apartment living room while watching t.v. "Okay, but we still need to keep trying for a full year. Doctor's orders!", Sam had replied. I remember saying "okay" and thinking to myself that it was just wasted time. I added 'look more into adoption agencies' and 'get check list of steps for adoption' on my mental 'to-do' list. 

*Flash forward 3 months later...(June of 2015)*

We had successfully moved into our new home and were in the midst of unpacking! 

I had gone out of town for a work conference to New Orleans. While there, I decided I wasn't going to focus on building our family through pregnancy anymore. I was going to focus on building our family through adoption. I already had a list of adoption agencies and had reached out to a couple of the agencies to get an understanding of what we would need to do to start the process a couple of months prior. 

I wanted to get moved in and settled into our home before any home inspections, so I decided we'd officially start the adoption process in September of 2015. My thought was that would give us a good 3 months of putting our home together and we'd have hit the year mark on 'trying to have a baby'. 

*Flash forward 2 months later...(August of 2015)*

It was a hot early August night around 10:00 p.m. Sam and I were driving home from my company's soft ball game.

I was sticky with sweat and exhausted from the night's activities. I announced to Sam that I was going to shower before bed. 

Once home, I made my way to the bathroom debating the whole time if I realllyyyyy wanted to put energy into showering or if I wanted to just wash my face and crawl into bed. 

I had ultimately talked myself into showering. I opened the bathroom pantry to get out my shampoo and there on the shelf was a single sealed Clearblue pregnancy test. I hadn't noticed that it was there before. I remember staring at it. It was taunting me....just sitting there...acting like it knew everything....acting like it could call the shots in my life. I decided to pee on it. "Take that, pregnancy test!"...those were my thoughts. I peed on it. I threw it away without even looking at it. I showered. I got out of the shower. I got dressed and sat on the bed. Sam was in the office checking his email. 

That pregnancy test was just nagging at me. I looked at the clock. 10:52 p.m. I huffed, rolled my eyes and plopped down on the bed. I couldn't get that pregnancy test off of my mind. Why hadn't I noticed that it was there before? I closed my eyes tight while willing the pregnancy test out of my mind. "What if... What if....No. There's no way I'm pregnant.", I thought.  

Finally, I just couldn't take it any more. I looked at the clock. 11:00 p.m. Ugh. I got up. I walked to the bathroom. I got the pregnancy test out of the trash can...and there in little block printed letters...the pregnancy test read 'Pregnant 3+'

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Making Our House Feel Like Home

When my husband and I first moved into our house, I had just gotten back from a work conference in New Orleans. I was hyped up on excitement from purchasing our first home, feeling inspired by the speakers at the conference, missing the lively and colorful streets of New Orleans, and maybe....jjjuuuust maybe, a little hung over from the hurricanes that I had been drinking those few days away (ha!). As soon as we got the keys to our very first house that was ours to do whatever we wanted with, I immediately got to work painting every. single. wall.

The dining room and kitchen? Bright Sky Blue. The living room and entry way? ...more Bright Sky Blue. The guest bath? Peptobismol Pink (yeah, this looked much better on the streets of downtown New Orleans than in my bathroom...). The guest room? Bright Cobalt Blue. You get the picture...One could definitely say that I had New Orleans on my mind when I started attempted to put our home together.

Once I finished my work, I proudly took a step back to admire the masterpiece of my home. Unfortunately, I felt a little twinge of regret not thinking more thoroughly about what the 'vibe' of our house should be before putting all of the energy into painting.

I brushed off any negatively I felt, declared I loved every color (which, in most rooms I really did...just maybe not on the walls in my house), and moved on. My sweet husband went along with it and that was that.

Now, a year and half later, we've put a lot more thought into how to make our house feel like our HOME.

The walls have been painted over with colors that better suit us.

There are pictures and mirrors and special things that hold special memories on our walls.

There's clutter on the kitchen island, laundry (clean or dirty? Who knows..) on the master bedroom floor, a cabinet in the kitchen stuffed to the brim with spices and teas, and a constant tumble weed of animal fur that makes it's way down the hallway (doesn't matter how many times I vacuum or sweep...).

Our house is FINALLY feeling like a home...Like OUR home...and I'm SO excited to share bits and pieces of it with you! ~More to come in following posts.~

{Disclaimer: I am NOT by any means an interior designer, so please don't judge me too harshly. I have inspiration boards on Pinterest, I get advice from friends, do what I think looks good at the time, and that's about it.}

Before Shots:

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Friday, September 2, 2016

Good-Bye 27 // Hello 28!

My 28th birthday was almost two weeks ago. {I know, I know. I'm late!}

I am 28 years old and now 30 is creeping up quickly.

I remember when I thought 30 was so far away and now it's right around the corner. Where has the time gone?!

This past year was filled with moments that I will remember forever and ever. It was tough, but I've narrowed down the list to 27 of the most special moments from this past year (since last August).

I have exactly 717 days left in my 20s and I can't wait to fill them with even more magic! 

27 Moments From My 27th Year

...August 2015...when I came home from a company soft ball game and randomly took a pregnancy test...really for no other reason than I found it way back in our bathroom closet....and found out I was over 8 weeks pregnant. Wowzers! What a moment!

...that moment I told Sam I was pregnant....oh happy day!

...when Sam and I heard our baby's heart beat for the first time. That was special. THAT was magic.

...when Sam and I went to the doctor and got to SEE our baby for the very first time. That was surreal. Seeing the baby in my belly made it more real that we were parents. (and every other time I got to hear Hardin's heart beat or see him squirming around)

...Sam was such a trooper during my 'tired' phase (the entire pregnancy). I know this isn't a specific moment, but there are too many stories from Sam taking care of me that I can't just narrow it down to one that trumped over all. He gave 110% all the time!

...going to Asheville, NC to spend time with my family (though I do wish it were because of better circumstances).

...when some of our besties (the Lykins!) spent a whole weekend with us here in Texas!

...driving to get breakfast with the Lykins....where the restaurant had an hour we drove around and ended up at a Denny's that was 30 minutes away from our house (when we had a Denny's less than a mile down the street from our house). HA!

....when some of our other besties (Court & Andrew) spent a whole weekend with us here in Texas last fall!

...spending an entire day at the Texas state fair with Court & Andrew - and then laughing SO hard at some of the pictures we got from the day later that evening.

...picking out that perfect pumpkin at the Grapevine pumpkin patch with my main fella...

...spending Christmas with Sam in our first house. <3

...when my mom and sister came to visit me while I was around 25 weeks pregnant. It's always nice when mom and sister visit!

...decorating the nursery with my mom and sister.

...putting the crib together with Sam. That was quite the adventure!

...celebrating Hardin with a baby shower thrown by my Lane co-workers. They are THE best!

...being in labor for 45 hours. I'll definitely remember that.

...when the doctors told me I was going to feel some pressure....and then hearing Hardin's screams for the first time! MAGIC I tell ya! The BEST day ever!

...The moment I knew my life had changed forever. There was no going back and I sure as hell wouldn't change it for the world...the moment I saw Hardin for the first time...he was in Sam's arms. I think my heart exploded, pieced back together, and the exploded again...and again...and again.

...finally holding my baby for the first time. Rubbing his sweet face and showering him with love. <3

...Sam taking care of me after my c-section. Again, he gave 110% the whole time. What an amazing fella!

...adjusting to life at home with a baby...that's an on going adventure...

...spending LOTS of time with my sister. I loved every single one of her visits. Please come back, Sarah!

...Hardin meeting his uncles, aunts, and cousin Opal for the first time. The whole family was excited for this!

...everytime Lady and Xander would sniff my belly and give it a lick - almost like they were giving Hardin a kiss - so sweet! My heart would melt (that happened a lot while I was pregnant).

...everytime my mom came to visit after having Hardin :-)

...and my most favorite....watching Hardin grow. Being his mom is pretty great. Scratch that. It's THE BEST THING IN THE WHOLE WORLD!

Sunday, May 22, 2016

Five Things // Wish List

There's so much on my wish list...and so little money I have to actually spend. ;-)

THIS MEGA INTENSE all types of COFFEE MAKING MAGIC MACHINE! (all caps because it makes me THAT excited) 

Hot Coffee. Iced Coffee. Cappuccino. Macchiato. Frappuccino. All the coffee everything. 


I'm looking for a new rug to put in our living room and found this Sun Symbol Shag Rug. I'm diggin' it.

I love this vanity collection.

The most practical thing for our family - this double Waffle Baker. OMG! TWO WAFFLES AT ONCE?!?! You mean Sam and I wouldn't have to debate about who's going to eat the first waffle...and then feel guilty for eating said waffle without the other person or end up eating a cold waffle by the time the other person finally gets their waffle?! AHH!! ;-)

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Post Baby Life // Adjustments and Learning

Well, as of TODAY Sam and I have a happy little EIGHT week and ONE DAY old (meant to post brain!). You read that EIGHT WEEK OLD (+ one day).

Where has the time gone?! How has it been eight whole weeks since I gave birth to my baby boy?!

The past eight weeks have been all about adjusting and much. much. learning.

Hardin adjusting to the entire world outside of my womb.

Sam, the fur babies, and me adjusting to Hardin.

Sam and me adjusting to being parents. Learning how to communicate as parents (we hit our first 'road block' - the great vaccinations debate...oh man, that's a story for another day).

Me adjusting to being a 'work-at-home-momma' (WAHM). Learning how to adjust my days around Hardin so I can be productive doing things that need to get completed for work and around the house.

Sam adjusting to me being home.

Me adjusting to my new post-pregnancy body. Learning to accept myself the way I am.

We're all working on finding a new 'normal'. So far, it's been fun, confusing, a little frustrating, and exciting all wrapped up in a single whirlwind of emotion with a great big cherry on top.

It's been such an amazing experience watching Hardin grow physically, emotionally, and mentally. He recognizes Sam and I fully now and will smile as soon as he sees us or as soon as he hears our voices. His little smile lights up his whole face and he coos so sweetly to tell us how excited he is that we are there with him. He loves when we make funny faces at him. He smiles, giggles, and will sometimes even try to mimic what our mouths are doing. He  can also be very serious and focuses very intently to the sounds and objects around him, trying to absorb as much as he can. It's so much fun watching the wheels turn in his mind.

I can't wait to see what the days, weeks, and months ahead hold for us!
Photo Credit: KT Photography
Photo Credit: KT Photography

Sunday, March 20, 2016

40 Weeks Pregnant // Currently

40 weeks pregnant today. Hardin's due date! Fingers crossed he actually comes today. 

Feeling...huge. Hardin is having a party in my tummy and seems like he has no hurry to get out of there.

Watching...Parenthood and Private Practice. Lots of t.v. watching since I've been on bed rest the past week. Serial podcast. I just can't get enough.

Reading... Burned by Karen  Marie Moning.

Craving...Orange juice, pumpkin pie, and nachos. I think about these things all the time. It's bad. <3

Waiting...for Hardin to make his big debut! meet Hardin and for my mom to fly in tomorrow! Also, for being asked to be a bridesmaid in one of my best friend's wedding! EEK! So happy to get to be apart of her very special day. <3 <3

Chatting...about labor prep with Sam to help ease his mind on all of the 'what-if's' he can think of.

Prepping...the house for visitors and baby's arrival. I don't think our house has been this sparkling clean before! Hello nesting! :-)

Starting...a bullet journal. It's already pretty addicting (thanks to my mother in law for introducing me to it ;-) ). I would highly recommend trying it out or at least looking into it. You can find a ton of info about it on Pinterest. Alisa Burke's Flower Power coloring book.

Enjoying...the beautiful Texas spring weather!

Planning...road trips to visit family and introduce them to babyyyy.

Choosing...between a cabin in the Ozarks in Arkansas, a beach cottage in Port Aransas on the Texas coast, a cabin on Caddo Lake in East Texas, or a lake house on Canyon Lake in Texas hill country for mine and Sam's 4 year marriage and 10 year togetherness anniversary trip this Autumn. pants. ALL the yoga pants.

Friday, March 18, 2016

Gal Pal Adventure // NYC - Memories & Margaritas

My most favorite memory from the trip is the most random.

There we were exploring the Tribeca area of NYC.

So. Much. Walking. We walked and walked and walked...and then walked some more. Which was great! We were enjoying the sights so much we didn't even realize how much we were walking. Let me tell you though, I hit 20,000 steps on my fitbit by 2:00 p.m. Then the battery died. Who knows how many steps we ended up with by the end of the day...maybe a million?! ;-)

It was late afternoon and we happened to walk by this little hole in the wall mexican restaurant called Papatzul. They had this sign....saying that is was happy hour.......with margaritas. Who are we to turn down a delicious margarita or two or five or maybe even seven (I can't remember...), especially during happy hour?!

The restaurant was narrow with wooden floors, small wooden tables, and vibrant colors on all of the walls. Maybe it was the vibe of the place, maybe it was my feet thanking me for finally taking a break, or maybe it was the company I was with, but as soon as we walked in and got our seats I felt so comfortable, relaxed, and at peace. There were a few people sitting at the table next to ours who were extremely friendly and boisterous. After quite a few run-ins with New Yorkers who were clearly SO over tourists (I can't blame them..), it was refreshing to talk to folks who wanted nothing more than to have a good time and actually included us in the fun!

We drank the best margaritas, chowed down on chips, salsa, and guacamole, reminisced on all of our years of friendship, talked about what our futures could hold (my friend Sarah was pregnant at the time - and was SUCH a champ throughout the whole trip), chatted about our current lives and what our most favorite part of New York City had been thus far. We laughed about everything and nothing. We didn't have a care about anything in that moment except simply enjoying the time we were spending together and it was fabulous. Beyond fabulous. I wish I could go back to that moment and enjoy it all over again!

It's the littlest things that can bring the most happiness. This moment of time was my very favorite out of all of the time in the city. I wouldn't trade this memory for the world. :-)